I woke up this morning to my mother both sneezing and swearing--something about the guinea pig bottle leaking, how much she hates sneezing...yeah. It was 7:15 in the morning. I was wide awake, but not ready to be awake. I just laid there thinking until I realized that there was nothing left to think about, the the previous subject that was disgracing my mind was one that I did not want to think about. See, I thought it had been a dream. He hadn't really tried to contact me again--I dreamt it. I was relieved. Until I checked my phone and found that it most certainly was not a dream, that it was real. I had actually woke up from receiving the message last night, and, after tearing up slightly, went back to sleep. I was pissed that it woke me up, especially because I was planning n putting my phone on vibrate so as to  not wake up from anything, but then decided against it. I don't know what would have been worse, though. Waking up from the text, or having my phone on vibrate, and waking up to it in the morning. Either way, it has become a plague to my mood and my day. Many times I am quite good at understanding people. But him...well, not so much. I can't even begin to understand his motives now. Now he wants to talk? Now he's thinking of me? Really? What about when we were together? Or when he was lying to me? Cheating on me? Being rude to me? Was he thinking of me then? Of course not. But now, after months of ignoring my pathetic verbal advances, now he wants to talk. Well, now it's his turn to be ignored. Not to mention that this is what, the fourth time this has happened? Maybe the third. I lost count, honestly. I can't deal with that brand of pain anymore. It's been ailing me for too long, and I just can't do it. Of course I'd want to talk, maybe, if he catches me in a not pissed off mood, whilst I'm feeling particularly compassionate, but I must stop myself. Not even because pretty much everyone I know would be angry with me for reassociating myself with him in even the smallest way, but because I know that even the slightest thing would send me plummiting down the pit with him, such as it has in the past. We can't be friends, we can't be aquaintances. Everyone knows that. It's how we are. We can't limit our relationship to "just" something. The two of us, our history...it doesn't work that way. Everything would start again, and end the same way. Which is why I can't say anything. I can't reply. It's hard, yes. Because sometimes, part of me wants to talk, too. And I'd be a liar if I said I don't think about him. Now that's not saying all the thoughts are good ones, but still. I have a song, it makes me think of him. Well, a lot of songs do, but given the current situation at hand, there is a specific one...I thank Julie London and Arthur Hamilton for this...

Now you say you're lonely
You cry the whole night through
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you
Now you say you're sorry
For bein' so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you
You drove me, nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember all that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and
Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you